Remember when...
...The internet(s) was young, cocky and stupid? People hadn't nearly explored all the possible orifices a human fist could fit inside. It was a much more innocent time.
With little or no effort you could easily happen upon whatever inane personal homepage some part time grocery bagger and full time dungeon master was dedicating to Manimal or that show where the guy wore the fruity neon sparkle suit would turn into a car to fight crime and find the web/dungeon master hard at work creating his site. His name was probably Todd or Toby. Something with a "T".
Anyway, Toby wanted you to know that the piece of shit Street Hawk page you were viewing at that moment was not a finished work. Oh no. There was much more about Blue Thunder that Toby wanted, no needed, to put on that page to make it the little piece of magic God decreed it should be. You, as the willing visitor, had to understand this. But how?
The little stick figure "Under Construction" guy, of course. He was animated and fit so perfectly underneath the giant picture of Airwolf in flight and above his Jan Michael Vincent web ring membership. Day after day, year after year, the little stick guy would work away as Toby's interest in Mr. T. Cereal and Go Bots took a back seat to searching for some sort of magic jewel on whatever online role playing game was slowly consuming his tenuous grip on sanity.
And there he will stay until the very day the sun burns out. Silently toiling and waiting for his creator and tormenter to tell you exactly which Silverhawk he wants to have sex with. It was probably the girl one. Probably.
The point of all this is that I've screwed up the site here a little. In a perfect world, one where I'd never seen Chyna's giant clitoris, for instance, this would run down the middle of the old page, making updates more frequent and easier. But I'm an idiot, so that didn't happen. Much like the little construction guy, I must now go back to work. Clicking on things nervously to see what they do, ruining others completely, and proving once again that absolutely nothing is "fool"proof. A normal day for me, sure, but now with an audience.
Awesome.
Read more..!
With little or no effort you could easily happen upon whatever inane personal homepage some part time grocery bagger and full time dungeon master was dedicating to Manimal or that show where the guy wore the fruity neon sparkle suit would turn into a car to fight crime and find the web/dungeon master hard at work creating his site. His name was probably Todd or Toby. Something with a "T".
Anyway, Toby wanted you to know that the piece of shit Street Hawk page you were viewing at that moment was not a finished work. Oh no. There was much more about Blue Thunder that Toby wanted, no needed, to put on that page to make it the little piece of magic God decreed it should be. You, as the willing visitor, had to understand this. But how?
The little stick figure "Under Construction" guy, of course. He was animated and fit so perfectly underneath the giant picture of Airwolf in flight and above his Jan Michael Vincent web ring membership. Day after day, year after year, the little stick guy would work away as Toby's interest in Mr. T. Cereal and Go Bots took a back seat to searching for some sort of magic jewel on whatever online role playing game was slowly consuming his tenuous grip on sanity.
And there he will stay until the very day the sun burns out. Silently toiling and waiting for his creator and tormenter to tell you exactly which Silverhawk he wants to have sex with. It was probably the girl one. Probably.
The point of all this is that I've screwed up the site here a little. In a perfect world, one where I'd never seen Chyna's giant clitoris, for instance, this would run down the middle of the old page, making updates more frequent and easier. But I'm an idiot, so that didn't happen. Much like the little construction guy, I must now go back to work. Clicking on things nervously to see what they do, ruining others completely, and proving once again that absolutely nothing is "fool"proof. A normal day for me, sure, but now with an audience.
Awesome.
Read more..!
posted by Adam Greene at
4:51 PM
|
0 comments
